Find Your Soul Family: The Journey from "Fitting In" to True Belonging

Apr 26, 2023

 Are you tired of just fitting in? Do you long for a sense of true belonging where you can be your authentic self and feel loved, accepted, and recognized? As an empath or highly intuitive being, you may have struggled with adapting to your environment, people-pleasing, and conforming to fit in. But there's a difference between fitting in and belonging, and recognizing this distinction is the first step on the path to finding your soul family, your true community where you can show up as your full self. Let's dive in and explore how you can transition from fitting in to experiencing true belonging.



Fitting in is a common behavior among empaths and highly sensitive persons. You may have found yourself minimizing your true feelings, hiding triggers or experiences, and conforming to smooth things over and avoid confrontation. As someone who can sense others' emotional states and well-being, you have become skilled at being a chameleon, adapting to your environment to maintain harmony. However, conforming and people-pleasing can prevent you from experiencing deep intimacy, which is something you long for. True intimacy involves being seen and loved for the depth of your gifts and the essence of who you are, without conditions.

Love itself is inherently unconditional, but we have been conditioned to believe that acceptance for our conformity, for fitting in, is love. We may have learned to seek external validation and acceptance by perpetuating behaviors that give us temporary hits of love and acceptance. These conditioned behaviors, such as people-pleasing, expression adaptation, and conforming, may work for a while, but they do not fulfill our deep yearning for true acceptance and love. In fact, if we show up with conditions, if we do not fully express the truth of our inner world, if we project or blame others without looking at our own inner shadows, we cannot expect to be unconditionally loved.

To experience true belonging and be fully loved and accepted, we need to show up as our authentic selves. This requires doing the inner work, having honest conversations, and going deeper into intimacy with others. It means examining the qualities that we tend to hide and facing our own deep shadows. By taking responsibility for our own role in relationships and showing up as the essence of who we truly are, we can create the conditions for true belonging to flourish.

Finding your soul family, your community where you can be your authentic self and feel loved, accepted, and recognized, is a journey from fitting in to true belonging. It requires recognizing the difference between fitting in and belonging, letting go of conditioned behaviors, and showing up as the full essence of who you are. It involves doing the inner work, facing your shadows, and taking responsibility for your role in relationships. Embrace your authenticity, and you will find your soul family where you truly belong.


Are you struggling with feelings of bitterness, resentment, or frustration in your intimate relationships? Do you feel like you don't truly belong or aren't fully seen, loved, and recognized for who you are? If so, you may have been hiding certain attributes about yourself due to early family dynamics or messages that you are unlovable or unacceptable. In this blog post, we will explore how to embrace your authentic self and find belonging within by overcoming the fear of rejection and accepting all aspects of who you are.

One way to start this process is by creating two lists. The first list should include all the ways that you think other people see you or the qualities that others have reflected back to you. You can ask close friends, coworkers, or employees for feedback on this list. The second list should include all the ways that you see yourself, how you imagine yourself to be. Then, go through these lists and circle anything that is the same on both lists. These are your conscious superpowers, the qualities that you have acknowledged in yourself and others see in you. These can be great attributes to highlight in your personal branding or marketing efforts, as they are qualities that you already accept and acknowledge in yourself and others recognize them in you as well.

Next, take a look at the qualities that you have listed about yourself but nobody else has recognized in you. Get curious about why you might be hiding these qualities from the world or seeking validation for them. Is it because you're scared that if you fully express these aspects of yourself, you might be rejected? Our brains are wired for survival, and in the past, being accepted by our tribe was crucial for survival. However, in today's interconnected world, rejection by one community is not necessarily life or death. We have the tools and resources to connect with people who appreciate and accept us for who we are, including our darkness and light.

Embracing your authentic self and finding belonging within requires courage and bravery. It means overriding the survival instinct to adapt and conform in order to fit in with certain communities. It means facing your own shadow and admitting your truth, even the parts of yourself that you might find unlovable or unacceptable. This may involve inner child work, reparenting yourself, and recognizing that certain experiences or messages from the past may have created unconscious beliefs about yourself that are not aligned with who you consciously want to be.

By embracing the fullness of your personal power and accepting all aspects of yourself, you can create magnetism from a place of authentic expression and true personal power. You can let go of the burden of guilt and shame and come home to the wholeness of who you are. It's important to remember that you have the power to choose how you define yourself, and just because someone else may have told you that a certain aspect of you is unlovable, doesn't mean it's fundamentally true. You have the power to find belonging within yourself and decide to love and accept all parts of who you are.

So, embracing your authentic self and finding belonging within is a journey of self-acceptance, self-love, and self-empowerment. It requires acknowledging and integrating all aspects of yourself, even the ones that you may have hidden or rejected in the past. By recognizing and challenging unconscious beliefs, nurturing your inner child, and choosing to define yourself on your own terms, you can create a sense of belonging within yourself and present your authentic self to the world. Embrace the fullness of who you are and let go of the fear of rejection. You are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are.




As someone who identifies as a highly sensitive person, I know that I have a unique ability to adapt to my environment. I can feel the energy of the environment and other people's emotional states even when they may not express them fully with words or through their body language. This has often made me a skilled chameleon, able to blend in and smooth things over in my workplace and friend circle to avoid confrontation, which can be overwhelming for me.


I have found myself minimizing my own feelings and hiding my triggers and experiences in order to hold space for others, hoping that they will feel regulated and everything will be smooth. I have longed for deep intimacy, to be seen and loved for who I truly am, but I have also been conditioned to believe that acceptance for my conformity, for fitting in, is love. So, I have often engaged in conditioned behaviors like people-pleasing, adapting, and conforming, acting as someone I am not, just to receive those little hits of love and acceptance that feel so good.

But I have realized that true love is not conditional. Love itself is innately unconditional, and it cannot be based on conforming to external expectations. If I want to experience unconditional love, I need to show up authentically, fully expressing the truth of my inner world, without projecting, blaming, or shaming others. I need to be willing to do the inner work, have difficult conversations, and go deeper into intimacy with others, as well as with myself, addressing my own deep shadows.


I have come to understand that my responsibility in relationships is not just about receiving love and acceptance, but also about showing up with vulnerability and authenticity. It's about being willing to be fully seen and heard, and accepting others in the same way. It's about letting go of the need to conform and adapting to others at the cost of my own truth and intimacy. It's about embracing my sensitivity as a gift and allowing myself to be fully loved and accepted for who I am, without conditions. Only then can I experience the deep intimacy and connection that I truly long for in my relationships.

What if I embraced them as part of my unique identity and stopped trying to hide them from others? This shift in perspective can be incredibly empowering and liberating.


Once you have created the two lists of how others see you and how you see yourself, and circled the qualities that overlap, you can use these qualities as your conscious superpowers. These are the attributes that you have already acknowledged in yourself and that others also recognize in you. You can use these qualities to build your personal brand or highlight them in your marketing efforts, as they are already a part of your authentic expression.


However, it's also important to examine the qualities that you see in yourself but others haven't recognized in you. Are you hiding these qualities from the world because you fear rejection? It's important to get curious about why you are not fully expressing these aspects of yourself. It may be due to past experiences or conditioning that led you to believe that certain aspects of yourself are unlovable or unacceptable. This could be a result of childhood experiences or comments from others that had a deep impact on your beliefs about yourself.


In order to fully embrace the fullness of who you are, it's important to nurture yourself and do inner child work. Reparenting your inner child involves recognizing and healing past wounds or traumas that may have created unconscious beliefs about yourself. By reprogramming these beliefs and aligning them with your conscious desires, you can begin to embrace the fullness of your personal power and let go of guilt and shame.


It's also important to recognize that fitting in and conforming to societal expectations is not the same as belonging. Belonging is about showing up as your authentic self and finding communities that accept and love you for who you are, including your darkness and your light. This may require overriding the survival instinct to adapt and conform, and instead being brave enough to face your own shadows and admit your truths to yourself.


By embracing the fullness of who you are, including all the qualities that others recognize in you and those that you recognize in yourself, you can create magnetism and authenticity in your expression of personal power. You can let go of the burden of guilt and shame and come home to the wholeness of who you are. It's a healing journey that requires self-love, self-acceptance, and the willingness to let go of past conditioning and beliefs that no longer serve you. 


Remember, you have the power to choose how you see yourself and how you show up in the world, and you deserve to be loved and accepted for all that you are.


Wow, that was quite a powerful and insightful message. It's clear that finding internal belonging and stepping into our wholeness can have a profound impact on our relationships and our lives as a whole. It's important to recognize that we are worthy and perfectly imperfect as per God's design, and that we don't have to sacrifice ourselves or our authenticity to fit in with others.


Setting healthy boundaries and communicating our needs and expectations in relationships is essential. It's not about trying to control others, but rather about holding a standard for ourselves and having an expectation that those in our lives will respect and honor that standard. If someone is unable or unwilling to meet that standard, it's okay to lovingly let them go so that they can continue on their own journey and find people who are an energetic match for their state of being. It's a radical act of self-love and also extends love to others, as it allows them to be true to themselves as well.


It's understandable that this process of stepping into our authenticity and setting healthy boundaries may bring about changes and discomfort in existing relationships. However, those relationships that endure through this initiation and truly see and accept us for who we are will likely become infinitely stronger and more intimate. True belonging, where we can be ourselves without sacrificing our worth or authenticity, is liberating and worth pursuing.


Thank you for sharing this empowering message. It's a reminder to honor our own worth and integrity, and to create relationships that are aligned with our highest selves.


Are you ready to do that in a community of other highly sensitive people dedicated to prospering in love, life, and business? Check out the Thrival community here.

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